I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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