I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
