He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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