she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm at about main and main street
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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