hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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