Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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