I hate your face
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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