That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
