good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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