I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
