I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
