I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
