Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
