Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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