All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
