Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
