Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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