I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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