I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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