she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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