I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
