I am puke
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
