I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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