I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
