I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
