I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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