Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
