the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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