It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hippo gnu deer
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
