I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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