his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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