and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
