): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
