Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
