that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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