How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
