wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
