I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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