boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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