... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ttyl tear gas
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
