I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We need to rekindle our bromance
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
