worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
