and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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