"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
