yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
