You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize