How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
