Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
