watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
