My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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