if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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