question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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