i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
