So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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