Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
