girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
