So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
