Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
