I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
