i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
