i need an iv and a liver transplant
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
