Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
