Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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