One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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