mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
