..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
