After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
