I just threw up on my dentist
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Rumble strips road head = magical
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
