good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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